How To Tackle Low Self-Esteem In ADHD Children

Self-esteem refers to having self-value that is all about feeling worthy of our achievements and character. It means to have confidence and respect for oneself and accepting the fact that “Even I can achieve what I want to”. This should not be misunderstood in the sense that having a high self-esteem means being rude and having a feeling of being the best over others.

Self-esteem affects the way in which we see ourselves among others and how much do we value our strengths. It is required, as it makes children proud of what they can achieve and what they actually are. Self-esteem in children:

• Makes them believe in their capabilities.
• Gives courage to accept new challenges.
• Makes them to respect themselves so that others can respect them.

Some people tend to have high self-esteem, while some have a low self-esteem.

If you have a high self-esteem, you are aware of what your strengths and weak points are and will never allow the weak points to weaken the strengths. As you know your strengths and weaknesses, you know how to achieve your goals well.

If you have a low self-esteem, you will mostly feel that others are quite deserving and are better than what you are. In addition, you are not able to perceive your own weaknesses and strengths and do not have confidence in facing challenging situations. Further, you feel embarrassed when someone praise you and deliberately accept negative comments as that is what you feel for yourself too. Such symptoms indicate that you are undergoing from the state of inferiority complex wherein you do not like yourself, nor others like you.

Self-esteem and ADHD

ADHD greatly results in low self-esteem in a child, adolescent, adult. However, apart from ADHD, there are certain biological and environmental factors that form self-esteem in your child:

• Thinking pattern of your child
• Expectations from the self
• Thinking and feeling of family, friends, and teachers about her

Children with ADHD face difficulties with teachers and peers in school and siblings and family members at home. Common people mostly fail to understand their problem and offer negative comments and punishments to them. All this makes an ADHD child feel good for nothing; think that he/she is stupid, bad, and hopeless; and leaves him/her with no confidence, but only frustration. This always results in low self-esteem that makes it strange for an ADHD child to think or act well.

Criticisms and negative judgments occur due to the following problematic behaviors of the children.

• Difficulty in making and maintaining friendships
• Acting without logical or proper thinking, which makes the child seem selfish
• Bursting on others frequently on small issues due to short-tempered
• Damaging the belongings of others
• Bullying other children in the fear of being bullied

Due to these problems, it is obvious that such a child is ignored, rejected, or bullied. In adults, this is not the case, rather low self-esteem affects the relationships at family, workplace, and other social events.

We know that the symptoms of ADHD are inattentiveness, hyperactive, and impulsivity. Children themselves cannot cope with these, but teachers dealing with such children might opt to exclude them from the classroom. This actually can play an important role in having a reduced self-esteem.

Attending events such as birthday parties and get-togethers are a part of life. However, the inviters are always worried about your children bad behavior and hesitate to give you an invitation. Therefore, after academic exclusion, your child rarely is excluded even socially due to fear of bad behavior. Such exclusions can make your child feel low and reinforces the thinking of being bad or naughty.

Treating Low Self-esteem

While diagnosing ADHD, the patient’s self-esteem is also assessed that act as a further clue in deciding the appropriate treatment. Listed below are the treatments for improving self-esteem that includes a few methods wherein the victim itself has to practice certain ways of thinking and acting.

• Medication
• Psychotherapy
• Cognitive therapy
• Behavior management strategies
• Assertiveness training courses
• Parent’s Efforts

As a part of the treatment plan, the counselors and therapists suggest some methods to perceive things in a different manner. Listed are some of these ways.

• Instill new skills.
• Improve skills that you already have in you.
• Try to give a thought on what unique you can do to bring about a positive change in yourself or in some another person.
• Learn to be concerned about others
• Learn to talk to them in a way that will make them feel worthy of themselves.

To track where the problem lies in your thinking, the counselor or therapist will ask you about the situations or events of your past wherein you thought negatively or might have lost confidence.

The base of the treatment of low self-esteem is to perceive or look at things, situations, people, and life differently, actually in a positive way. Such a technique is referred to as reframing wherein you view everything with a different vision and understand each entity in a positive manner including yourself.

If self-esteem improves, it is a good sign indicating that ADHD is improving.

Assertiveness Training Courses

Assertiveness training courses help in increasing confidence and feel positive. You can obtain information on these training courses through the following mediums:

• Internet
• GP
• Library
• Citizens advice bureau
• Education colleges in your residing region

Parents’ Efforts

As a parent, you can help to boost your child’s self-esteem in the following ways.

• Praise and RewardsHere, your goal is to bring positive thinking, vision, and look in your child. Therefore, praise your child even for little good thinking or behavior wherever possible. This encouragement can be verbally or through some materialistic things. For example, if she made something creative out of clay, tell him/her, “I am proud of you for making such a unique item”. If he/she helps you cleaning up the kitchen, tell him/her, “You really to know to take care of others” and provide a cup of ice cream of his/her favorite flavor.
• Love and TrustLet your love be unconditional for your child. Make him/her believe that you love him/her the most irrespective of what he/she actually is. Let your child know that you have full trust on him/her and that you have full confidence in him/her. For example, if your child breaks something at home, do not shout; rather explain not do that again politely and taking him/her in your lap. If your child going to participate in a sport, tell him/her that you are sure for him/her to win.
• GoalsSet goals that your child can achieve that in turn can boost confidence.
• Sports and HobbiesIf your child is interested in a sport or has a hobby such as swimming, dancing, singing, drawing, or cooking; make him/her join classes or clubs wherein he/she can develop the possessed skills. This will make your child proud of some thing that he/she can do spectacularly and will improve his/her self-esteem. Remember, a child with ADHD can stop continuing with the hobby or a liking activity. So, do not let this happen to your child. Boost it before it lits off.
• Positive ApproachMake your child to write down what she can do, can think and provide ideas, and what she likes. Stick this paper on the wall in his/her room where daily it can be viewed. Ask your child to add to this list whenever possible.

Managing Criticisms

Low self-esteem simply means that your child does not have confidence at all in what he/she does and think. Whenever he/she is successful, it is more likely that he/she feels that this is due to luck or capable people involved in it.

You will be amazed to know that criticisms are one of the ways to make your child feel as being cared and loved. To make a criticism a sweet medicine, your caring words and a polite tone are necessary. In this way, the child will learn to accept criticisms. For example, if your child is not able to complete its homework, tell him/her – “I like the way you did the part of your homework, but avoid leaving it incomplete as the teacher might punish you for this. So, tell me where your problem lies.” This is a better way to deal instead of saying – “You are hopeless – why can’t you complete your homework?”

To criticize such that is affects positively on the child, innovative ways are inevitable as it is in art. One way is to make use of ‘I’ rather than ‘You’. You also need to make your child to learn how to accept criticisms. This requires teaching him/her how to remain calm and control temper. This will aid your child not only in accepting criticism, but also on focusing on the positive things to say.

Sometimes, criticisms act as a stimulant to boost your negative thinking about yourself. For example, if the child thinks that he/she is not good at studies and someone says that to him/her, that goes without any bad response. Further, unfair criticisms, if any, will make your child realize that everybody dislikes him/her.

Face criticisms in the following ways.

• Listen carefully when somebody says negative about you.
• On facing an unfair or unjust comment, you can raise an issue against it calmly with a proper explanation as to why you feel unfair. Role-play is an ideal option to practice this.
• Admit mistakes and ask for sorry.
• Agree if applicable.

If you have low self-esteem and still go ahead to criticize others, just think on how you will feel it if you were the front person. So, to avoid criticisms for others:

• Be just
• Remain cool
• Accept the facts
• Avoid attacking on the front person’s character
• Speak politely even if you have to trace mistakes. For example say, “I worry if you do not come home on time from play”; instead of saying, “You are careless and do not want to follow discipline.”

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