Is My Child With ADHD A Bully Or Being Bullied?

According to an Australian research, approximately 10-15 percent of students are bullied once in a week at minimum and around 50 percent feel being bullied. In bullying, boys are more involved than girls. Not only children, but even parents, family members, peers, and teachers are sometimes involved in bullying knowingly or unknowingly. Suppose, if you child tends to be dreamy or forgetful, peers or teachers might point the finger at your child and yell at tell him/her that he/she is stupid.

The most frequent targets of bullies are children suffering from ADHD, as they are completely different in their mental and physical behavior. Bullying is said to have taken place when one or a combination of the following takes place.

• Mentally Abusing
  Includes making and spreading rumors, name-calling, lying, giving threats, and making feel apart from the society/group
• Physically Abusing
  Includes pushing, hitting, pinching, biting, and throwing away
• Damaging Other’s Belongings

Bullying Types

There are three types of bullying depending on who is bullying. Listed are those three types of bullying.

• By Girls in Your Child’s Age Group
  Here, bullying can be in form of mental abusing such as, name-calling, sending abusive messages, or taking friends away.
• By Boys in Your Child’s Age Group
  Here, bullying can be in form of physical abusing such as, hurting and pushing.
• By Teachers or Older Family Members
  Here, bullying can be in the form of making fun, yelling, insulting, or picking on your child.

Causes of Children Being Bullying

Listed are some of the common reasons as to why children bully other children.

• Problems at home
• Feeling of not fitting in at home
• Scared of being picked on or insulted by someone else
• Hatred for themselves

Signs of a Bullied Child

If you child is being bullied, he/she might not come and tell you about the same. But, you can make that out, if you observe one or a combination of the following signs.

• Cuts, marks, or torn clothes
• Becomes quiet and feels withdrawn
• Becomes aggressive with sisters or brothers often
• Loses temper often
• Insomnia
• Anxiety
• Improper schoolwork/homework
• Changes friends
• Finds reasons for not going to school

Bullying Effects

If your child is being bullied:

• He/she might lose confidence to such an extent that he/she never wants to go anywhere, except being locked in his/her room.
• His/her progress might also come to a standstill due to fear and nervousness.
• He/She might think of committing suicide.

If you child is a bully or is involved in bullying:

• He/She might receive warnings from teachers or might be even dismissed.
• He/She might be handled to police if the age is above 10, is violent, and asks for money.

Remedies for Being Bullied

The most simple and straightforward remedy is to let your child tell you about what happened in the school for the day. Here, try to ask questions because they have the power to motivate a child to talk. Listed are a few questions that you can ask to encourage your child to speak even if he/she is quiet.

• With whom did you play today?
• Did your teacher tell you something about your schoolwork?
• What did you do during your lunchtime?
• What did you enjoy today?
• What you did not like today?
• Will you be going to school tomorrow?

The answers to these questions will aid you in detecting whether your child is being bullied or not. If your child is being bullied, you can follow-up with the child by doing the following tasks:

• Restore confidence in your child that he/she is completely right in telling you.
• Visit the school.
• Tell him/her to report any further problems to you or the teacher.
• Ask him not to retaliate back if any such event happens again.
• Ask your child to remain in safe areas during the break time such as sitting near the driver of a school bus.
• Tell him/her to make friendship with the ones who are alone, as there might be many other children who are being bullied.
• Ask the child to avoid eye contact with the bullies and stand confidently in front of them, as they are on the wrong path. This will prevent the bully to see that you are upset and ultimately, they will feel bore in bullying your child.
• If there is ignorance from any of his/her friends, ask your child to question them ‘why’.
• Maintain note of all that is happening.
• Invite his/her friends at home to make your child feel good.
• Consult a GP so that your child gets appropriate counseling and treatment.
• Look for a transfer to another school, but this move might affect exams and might result in your child missing his/her old friends.

Remedies for Treating a Bully

A child who bullies might not accept that he/she is bullying. But even parents are less considerate about this unless the situation has become bad. If you want to check this out, consult your child’s school that will first check this for you and your child. It is advisable to go through the school bullying policy and in the meantime, make your child feel that you still love him/her, but you hate his/her behavior.

The most common ways to deal a child who is bullying, but is young in age are:

• Interrogate with the child to find out the reason of bullying. Remember, your child might not be like that, but there might be an all round leader who has influenced your child to be a bully.
• Discuss with the child that is not kind to do so and that should never be done irrespective with whatever motive, not even for fun.
• Explain the effects of bullying that it causes severe grief and can even lead to somebody’s death due to suicide. Ask you child as to whether he/she wants to be responsible for somebody else’s sickness or pain.
• Make your child realize how he/she would feel if somebody would be bullying him/her. Make your child to put his/her feet in the victim’s shoes.
• Teach your child to solve problems without violence and hurting others.
• Talk to the school to monitor your child.

Help and Support

To seek help and support in case of bullying, you can:

• Talk to your child’s school
• Look for legal advice
• Contact support groups

Support from Your Child’s School

You can seek help against bullying by talking to the class teacher. Discuss on how your child behaves with others and comes up with issues of conflict.

If you child is grown up, you can attempt to catch hold of his/her bullying with the help of the class teacher without revealing your child’s name in public.

If your child’s behavior is still the same, ask the teacher to write a letter to your child about how the school will be dealing with bullying and keep it in his file.

If this is not effective, tell your child to visit principal.

If this does not work, find out other children who are being bullied and with their support and signature, write to the committee of governors.

Finally, take a note of this that schools are not responsible for bullying off the school premises, such as in the school bus. In this case, speak to the parents whose children are involved in bullying outside the premises. If in case a relative is bullying, you can seek help from the NSPCC.

Looking for a Legal Solution

Solving the problem legally should be the last option in your selection of remedies. It should only be attempted if the condition has become worse and that none of the remedies showed its effect. At first, take free advice from a solicitor and discuss the matter for half an hour to see if you can go along with it. Remember, legal solutions need proof of evidence such as, medical reports, physical marks, and a school letter. The solicitor will:

1. Go through your evidences
2. Apply for funding (duration might go up to a month)
3. Visit a judge, who is liable and will decide whether there will is a case

Support Groups

Listed are the support groups that can aid you against bullying.

• Anti-bullying Campaign
  020 7378 1446
• Bullying Online
  http://www.bullying.co.uk
• Childline
  http://www.childline.org.uk, helpline 0800 1111
• Kidscape
  http://www.kidscape.org.uk/, helpline 08451 205 204 (Mon-Fri 10am-4pm)
• Samaritans
  08457 90 90 90

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